Sermon 2-13-11

THE PREEMINENCE OF JESUS IN YOUR MARRIAGE

Part II - A Word To The Husbands

Colossians 3:19

Paul’s day - marriages may be arranged or were essentially a business deal.

Our day - marriages often begin with a flurry of emotions/attractions/misconceptions

It does not matter how your marriage got started, what matters is where it goes. According to the word of God every husband will grow in one of two ways toward his wife. Men, as the hours tick away and the days go by you will either grow in love or in bitterness. One way is the way of Christ, the other is the way of the devil; one way displays the glory of God, the other displays the destruction of Satan, one way leads to a great legacy, the other to a life of shame, one way to a blessed life, the other to broken hearts. Either way is possible for you to go!

I. The Way To Go- The Way of Love

“Husband” - Of all the titles or names I can be known by, this is the one that means the most to me. It reminds me of a choice I made and a blessing I received. The choice was to unite myself to one and only one woman, spend the rest of my life exclusively with her, share life together, and take care of her until one of us can no longer live. The blessing I received was that there was a woman out there who felt the same way about me. Being a husband is a choice you make and a blessing you receive and it is ordained by God.

“love” - ‘agape’ - highly treasure or value something, lavish affection or attention upon it, and you are willing to sacrifice yourself for it

This is the type of love that Christ showed us when He left Heaven, came to earth, walked among us, taught us, healed us, and died for us. Since Paul declares we are to love our wives as Christ loved the church that means this is the type of love we must show our wives. Your relationship with your wife while dating and early in the marriage probably was not built completely on this type of love. It was built more upon attraction, excitement, lust (in a good way), companionship, etc. But if your marriage is going to go the distance your love will have to grow into an agape type of love. Let me show you how...(let me give you 5 words that describe agape love as it applies to our wives...)

1. Sacrifice

John 3:16 - “God so loved (agape) the world that He gave...”

It cost God something to love us. He had to give up heaven, glory, and worship to come and die for us. Guys, there are sacrifices you MUST make for your wives. You will have to give up yourself for the good of your wife. Now I know every man in here would willingly die to protect his wife, but few of us, if any, will ever be called to do that. What we will be called to do is die every day to our own desires, preferences, and opinions in order to love our wives sacrificially. It’s that kind of daily sacrifice that is hard for men to do.

A husband who loves his wife sacrificially will have to give up:

-some of his time with his friends (didn’t say give up friends although...)

-some of your overtime and money (she’s appreciative, but she’d rather have you)

-your independence (you are one now / she needs/has the right to know your plans...)

-wants and desires (movies, eating out, purchases/ compromise but scales need to tip in her favor.)

BUT....... you must do this willingly, cheerfully, and see it as an act of love. If you do these things but are mad about it or act like your being put in front of a firing squad, it isn’t love, rather it will become bitterness. More on that later. Love is a matter of the will. I will/want to do this for her.

2. Sanctify

Eph. 5:26-27 - “that He might sanctify and cleanse her...that she should be holy and without blemish.”

Agape love means you lead your wife to be more like Christ - not drive them to Him because you are so awful!! :)

Ask these questions:

-After all these years is my wife more like Jesus than the day I met her?

-What have I done to contribute to this? (positive/negative)

-What will you do from this day forward? (You take the lead in coming to church / you be seen growing in Christ through personal devotion, worship / you put off anything from the old you / let her see Jesus working in your life)

“If it weren’t for the women this church wouldn’t be here / if it weren’t for my wife my kids wouldn’t know Jesus” - While that may be a compliment to the women it is a sad indictment on the men! God put the leadership roles of the family and church upon us. Yes, the women are important and we can’t do it without them, but when the men are absent as spiritual leaders God’s created order descends into disorder.

If you haven’t been doing this, then I have good news for you: There’s never been a better time to start than today. How? Go to Jesus first. Are you saved? Ask Him for help. Then talk to your wife, confess your shortcomings in this area, tell her you want to become the spiritual leader, get her to pray for you, then find a trusted Christian man and get him to help you. You can do this!

3. Satisfy

Eph. 5:28-29 - “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it...”

When you are hungry or thirsty you eat and drink, when you are tired you go to bed, when you are sick you take medicine to get well. You satisfy the needs of your body. This is what we are to do for our wives.

I read that the secret to a happy marriage is to quit trying to be happy and start trying to make your wife happy. Because you know IF MOMMA AIN’T HAPPY, NOBODY IS HAPPY!!! Or my favorite - YOU CAN BE RIGHT OR BE HAPPY...I CHOOSE HAPPY!

Love always satisfies the needs of your wife. Therefore love will never harm or take away what your wife needs. One of the main ways we harm our wives is by our words. Guys, lets make the effort right now to knock off the negative comments and jokes. If you do anything you put yourself down but don’t dare do it to your wife and double dog don’t dare do it in public. You satisfy her by building her up, saying nice things about her, to her, in front of her, and about her in public. Even if she isn’t the best wife in the world you better make everyone believe she is - and she should believe you believe it!

4. Supreme

We know Jesus is to be your first love, but among all other people on earth your wife should be next on the list. Not your Momma, your kids, your ball team, or your boat.

Eph. 5:31 - “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the tow shall become one flesh.”

For men there are 2 Danger Zones to be aware of in this area:

Momma’s - some of us haven’t “leaved / cleaved”

Other women - don’t let another woman get closer than your wife, not even close period! Ask her and she will tell you if she believes one has...

5. Steadfast

Love her to the end.

1 Corinthians 13:7-8 - “(love) bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...”

In marriage there will be hard times, trials, droughts, arguments, failures, etc. But that doesn’t mean you quit. In fact you made some vows that promised you wouldn’t. Your vows summed up what this agape love is all about.

“I, take thee… to be my wedded wife…to have and to hold, from this day forward… for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer… in sickness and in health… to love and to cherish… I pledge to you my faithfulness… till death do us part.”

A vow is a serious thing (Eccl. 5:4-5). If you don’t think you will keep it then just have the integrity to include a clause that offers you a way out other than death!

A wife will have a lot less difficulty submitting to a husband who loves her. If you don’t grow in love there is another way in which you will grow. It is ...

II. The Way to Avoid - The Way of Bitterness

“bitter” - is a word that can be used to speak of malignancy or poison but is best defined as a bad taste in your mouth.

“You can’t call your wife honey and act like vinegar toward her.” - John MacArthur

Beginning

James 4:14-15 - “But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic.”

Heb. 12:15 - “looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble...”

Bitterness comes from the devil and pops up when someone falls short. So here is what happens, your wife doesn’t do what you think she should do. Rather than giving grace you hold it against her. The devil convinces you that you are justified because of what she did/didn’t do. Then it doesn’t take long before he has slipped some poison in your marriage and everything becomes contaminated.

Ending

Heb. 12:15b - “and by this many become defiled.”

That ending may be divorce, may be violence, or it may just be a lifetime of misery.

However it ends, it is tragic, destructive, out of the will of God, unnecessary yet entirely possible. Any of us can go there. Some of you already are.

*****

I want to close by giving you 3 practical challenges that will prevent you from going down the road to bitterness or help you out if you’re there:

1. Take the “d” word off the table. When two people love and trust Jesus there is nothing He can’t solve.

2. Take you and the marriage to Jesus. Pray, and let Him change you. You can’t change her.

3. Get your priorities right. Live to please Jesus first, her second, and you last.

Illst- Adam and Eve from “Man of God” by Jack Graham pg. 117.

We have been given the deal of a lifetime!

Prov. 18:22 - “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD.”

1 Peter 3:7 - “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”

We better take care of them!